**** Trigger warning: Mature suggestive and violent themes. *****
@~~ CAC Lesson 1: Conveying emotions. This is an excerpt from a much larger piece I will be posting in a few days involving the same characters as well as others. ~~@
Food was brought to the table. I watched as it was placed before us then our glasses were filled with an appropriate wine. I looked at Steve as I said “I’m still not sure why we are even here?”
“Well, we have three classes together and share a common major. I thought we might have other things in common,” he said as he smiled. The smile wasn’t all the way up to his eyes. It was the first time I doubted what he was saying. “I enjoy your company and hope you enjoy mine. After all, I think we have been getting to know each other. What I’ve learned, I want to spend even more time with you.”
For two weeks we’ve been dating. He was kind and attentive. He didn’t push me for information or act like he knew anything about my past or family. I hoped he didn’t. I had no reason to doubt anything he was saying. I thought he was genuine. Yet, as he took the first bite of his food. I had a touch of fear something was wrong.
I pushed the thoughts back. I had no real indication he was false. It was just a feeling. Perhaps it was just my paranoia coming out because things had been going so well. I started eating my food. With each bite, I felt my stomach tightening. It was harder and harder to eat as took slight glanced towards him.
“So, what do you plan to do after graduation?” Steve said as he took a drink of the wine.
“I don’t know yet. It’s two years away. I have time to decide. What about you?”
“I’m thinking of getting my Masters,” he said though he didn’t look at me when he said it. His eyes didn’t looked back at me till he continued. “I was thinking of going to Berkeley for it. I know I have two years as well, but need to start getting things in place. Berkeley’s graduate school has a program in comparative literature. I’m wanting to get into it.”
His passion was back in his voice. I continued trying to eat as I watched him talking. Something was still different. There was something wrong here. I wanted to know what it was, but the feeling it would change things made me hesitant to push. I took a drink before I said “Is that what you want to do ultimately?”
“Well yes,” he said while he started eating again. This is not what he told me the last time we discussed the future. Perhaps it had changed recently I thought, then he added “I’ve always wanted to ever since I knew there was a field for it.”
My heart sank as my throat closed up more. I picked at my food for the rest of the meal. I had lost my appetite. I tried to force my food down my throat. My throat felt closing up. I continued getting the feeling of foreboding as the meal ended. When we left the restaurant, he drove us down to the beach. Something in me was happy we were the only ones here. Something else felt a finality was coming, but I had no idea what.
He took my free hand as we walked down towards the water in the sand. I was carrying my shoes in my other hand. We were looking at the moon over the water as he heard his phone buzz. He checked it then put it up.
“Go ahead if you need to,” I said hoping it was why I was feeling the way I was. I thought it wasn’t directly, but I wanted it to be.
“ No it’s just Carlo asking about class Monday.”
I could tell he was lying to me. I felt my back stiffen. He went to put his arm around me, then his horn started going off. We both turned to look at his car. He handed me his phone. “Wait here. If I yell, call the police,” he said before he ran back to the car.
I watched him running to his car while the alarm blared. I had his phone in my hand upright and unlocked. I didn’t think about it until he disappeared from sight. That was when I looked down at it. It was still open to Carlo’s text: “Hey man, you got her yet? I’m at the car.”
I blinked. Did I read that right? I read it again. The words didn’t change. I scrolled back in the texts reading them backwards as I did. There was an outline of everything he had ever talked about with me and everywhere we had gone over the last two weeks. Each one of the texts at the end of the date we had was followed by a number. Each number was descending as I read it, which meant it was getting higher. Our last date had been a 9 with a note that the next would be a 10 one way or another.
When I got back to our first date, his message to Carlo said “Dude, she’s so gullible. I could keep this up a few weeks then hit it for the pay off.”
I could feel the tears burning in my eyes as I read the next set of texts “It’s worth $100k if you can get to home plate in three weeks.”
“Three weeks, I can do it in two. Shoot, she’s probably never been on a date, let alone had someone bed her. I might only need one night.”
“No that would be to obvious, but 2wks would add 50k to the pay out. Plus I’ll cover your expenses just keep the receipts.”
“2 wks is a go. What proof do you want?”
“Pics man or vid. I can help you set up in your place if you need cameras.”
“You got it. Maybe post online and make more money on it after.”
“That’s up to you. I just need a copy.”
“Got it. I’ll start talking her up tomorrow. I’ll pop that cherry within two weeks.”
Tears were already flowing down my face. I didn’t know who Carlo was, but there was only one person I knew who had that much money on hand. I couldn’t believe I had trusted him. I also couldn’t believe I trusted Steve. I let my guard down to them. I let my mind reach out to find Steve. He had to be somewhere near right?
Before I even got started, Steve came up from behind me. I turned to look at him trying to keep my emotions from showing on my face. He stopped when he came up beside me saying “I told you to stay on the beach. That guy could have come after you and hurt you.”
“I didn’t see you or anyone else. Was there a guy up here?” I said not really sure I wanted to hear his answer. I started wiping my cheeks and eyes. I had seen a figure near the car but now I wasn’t sure of even that. “Well, it didn’t happen. I saw someone too before you ran up here. Who did you think it was?”
“I don’t know,” he said moving next to me on the side with my phone in the pocket. He caressed my cheeks as he moved to wipe more of the tears from my eyes, “Some thug wanting to rip my car off. Hey, it’s ok. No one is going to hurt either of us. I won’t let them.”
Steve’s car was nice, but it wasn’t new. It wasn’t a sports car either. It was a sedan of some model I really couldn’t care about. Honestly, I knew no one was trying to steal his car. I was mentally trying to work out how to get him to confess while trying to keep calm. “He’s gone now. Maybe you should just take me home,” I said looking up at him. “Tonight was great, but the mood is gone now. I’ve got group meeting tomorrow. I should get some sleep before it.”
My ending the date without him getting his goal caught him. He knew he didn’t get the extra $50k if he didn’t bed me tonight. He moved to stand in front of me as he put his arms around my waist. “Come on Cassandra,” he said his tone completely changed from irritation and protectiveness to seductive. “The guy is gone. The night is still young. We didn’t even get to enjoy the beach.”
“I’m not in the mood for the beach anymore Steve,” I said looking up at him hoping the red flecks in my eyes weren’t giving me away. “I just want to go home and sleep.”
His hands started wandering up my back in a caress as he spoke “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all upset and ruin the night. Walk out with me to the water again, then if you still feel like going home. I’ll take you home. Deal?”
I had no intention of letting him drive me anywhere. Not now, but I played it off with a sigh before saying “Ok, but if I say take me home…”
“I’ll take you straight home right away.”
I nodded to him and put my hand in his for him to lead me back down to the water. Now to get him to confess. As we walked, I started up the conversation saying “I’m really trying, but I fear I’ve lost the feeling we had earlier. Dinner was so wonderful. Before your car alarm went off, the beach and the moon were so beautiful and added to the emotion of the evening.” I let my hand go slack in his. I needed him to feel the difference in my emotions without knowing exactly what I knew.
We were half-way down the beach when he was slowed by my words. He looked at me though I continued to look towards the ocean. “Cassandra, you do know how I feel about you, don’t you?”
Internally, I smiled. He took the bait. I waited a minute letting my hand drop from his as I spoke “No, Steve, I don’t know how you feel. You haven’t told me. I still don’t understand why you even wanted to take me out the first time or after wards. That’s what I was asking at dinner. I’m even unsure how I feel about you as well.”
I didn’t turn my eyes to him as I waited to see if that would spark the explosion or if he would hold back. The reason was more I didn’t want him to see my eyes more than anything. I was trying to keep control of my emotions. This was one of the disadvantages of my abilities. Using them I could know exactly what he was thinking and what he was going to do, but holding back gave me the experience others around me had so I could understand and relate to them. Yet in situations like these, my eyes could easily give me away.So I didn’t know if I was getting to him or not. Still it didn’t take me long to find out.
He grabbed me by my shoulders turning me to look at him before he spoke, I could see him trying to hold his emotions. He was much less skilled at hiding them than I was. His voice was angry as he spoke “How could you not know how I feel? Are you really an ungrateful little prude? I could have my choice of any girl on campus. I’ve been waisting my time with you for this?”
I fained shock mixed with fear while I managed to remove his hand from me by jerking backwards and sitting in the sand behind me as if he had shocked off my feet. I looked up at him pretending bewildered fear as I spoke “What do you mean? You’ve been waisting your time with me? Do you not care at all for me?”
He laughed as he leaned towards me without joining me on the sand or actually moving over my body. “You know, when this started I thought you would be just like all the other tramps here. You though, you made it an adventure. I thought you would just lead me on for a while, but you really are a prude! You have an iron lock on your knees! I wouldn’t have even put up with it for this long if it wasn’t for other factors!”
I was done with him now. That was what I needed. He had just inferred what I knew was true. The only thing I didn’t know for sure was who “Carlo” was. I was fairly sure it was Warren. Warren would have used Bobby to find out information about me to feed to Steve. Steve would come after me and ruin my life. I didn’t know what role if any Bobby played in this. I hoped it was none, but I was fairly certain Warren was “Carlo”. What I didn’t know was why either of them did this. However, it didn’t matter what his motivation was. My hate for him was now firm and burned hot.
I leaned up towards him letting my voice sizzle with my anger and hate. “You admit it then. You are nothing more than a letch!” I said as I moved upwards to raise myself from the sand as I continued “You took a dare – a bet for money – to play with my emotions! All I am and ever have been to you is cash for you to spend. You haven’t even paid for anything we have done together!”
By this time, I was on my feet standing in front of him practically spitting the angry words in his face while hot tears ran down my own. I took a step towards him as I watched his shocked expression as I felt my anger gave way to the pain of the betrayal he and Warren had played on me. I had started feeling something more than friendship for him, possibly even love. My voice gave way to it as I spoke “You never cared anything about me! You never wanted anything to do with me. Do I disgust you that much? Why? Why would you do this? Why do you hate me this much? Why couldn’t you two just leave me alone?”
He was bewildered now. However, he was still indignant. He was not going to get his money from “Carlo”. I didn’t know if Warren was still going to pay for our dates or not, but I didn’t care. He snarled at me. I felt threatened as he came at me. I thought he would attack me as he said “Because you are such a freak! Look at you! Your hair! Your eyes! Why do you do that to yourself? Why not just be normal? Do you think you are better than us so much you have to put this look of yours on?”
His face was so close I could feel the spit from his words hitting my face. I figured he meant for it to punctuate his words. He really believed I dyed my hair and used contacts in my eyes to look like this. I wondered if he could see the increase of red in my eyes while the tears ran from my eyes. I slapped him as hard as I could. “I hate you! I hate you both!”
I started running from him. Running in sand on a beach is not easy. I was slowed by the sand as I tried to make my retreat. I wanted to get away from him. I wanted to be in my apartment even though I knew Warren was just across the hallway. I didn’t care. My apartment was my sanctuary. I wanted to get to it.
As I ran, I didn’t look back. He was stunned by the slap enough I was able to get a few feet away from him before he started after me. I was almost to the parking lot when he grabbed my arm to pull me back. I pulled away from him, but he pulled me back again. I was slammed into his chest against my back. I tried to pull away more. He grabbed me by my other arm. I couldn’t get away.
“Let me go!” I screamed through my sobs.
“No! You’re not costing me this!”
I screamed again suddenly honestly afraid of what he might do to me next. I pulled against him as I looked over my shoulder trying to catch his eyes. I was not strong enough to do anything to stop him without seeing him yet. Catching his eyes with mine, I made his mind force his muscles to let go of me. I froze him like that. The mental paralysis wouldn’t last long, but I hoped I could get away before he was free of it. As soon as I knew he was paralyzed, I ran.
When I hit the parking lot, I glanced back at him. I was terrified he would be free already. I had never paralyzed someone this way before. All I wanted was to be back in my sanctuary alone. I crossed my arms around me holding myself. I turned towards my apartment closing my eyes against the burning tears in my eyes and running down my cheeks. I started to run again as I opened my eyes.
Then I stopped. Though I didn’t know how, I was in my apartment. I didn’t care at the moment. I was safe. I moved to a couch wrapped myself around a pillow to cry easily and openly to my solitude. My heart ached as if it was being torn out of my chest. I thought I was going to die. My emotions were completely wrecked. My anger had fallen to pain and sorrow. I felt like I had lost everything I thought I had created for myself. All I could do was cry.
I didn’t even remember my phone was still recording and I still had his.
Mia Mina's Chaotic Realms 